raye's account

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There was something about the girl he had met for just barely two weeks. Raye could not understand why his thoughts frequently linked back to the lean face framed in that dark brown hair that curled at the ends. The closest he could get to a conclusion was that there was a mysterious air suspended around her. She always appeared pensive with her eyes misted but whatever her thoughts were remained unknown. There was one occasion when he caught her laughing, but even then there was a hint of melancholy in her laughter. The woman who had made her laugh had unnaturally flaming red hair, and was unabashedly stunning, although looking several years her senior.
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"Hi, Im Raye. major's still undecided."
"Hello", she edges of her lips lifted tentatively, "You can call me Elsie."
"Is that your full first name?"
She had raised her head and met his gaze for the first time. Raye could almost see the thoughts swimming within her irises, whispy threads that weaved in and out of an intangible surface. There was such pureness in her eyes that it spelt easy danger.

"Sure. Isn't yours?"
"Wh- Yeah. Of course. It seems we both have rather short first names." He had given a light laugh.

That was the first time he lied.

shock was the best form of anaesthesia

The day that Bri left would always remain fresh in Elsie's mind. She did not feel hurt. Shock was the best form of anaesthesia. It was the aftermath that hit her hard.

Stop treating me like a goddess. I'm not. Dont believe in me. Dont trust me. I'm not who you think I am.

Just because Santa doesn't exist does not stop kids from believing in him.

Well, you're no longer a kid and im not part of your fantasy.

You know what? Yes, Im no longer a kid. An adult will respond in a logical, rational manner. Just leave, Bri. Leave my life alone.

And just like that she watched her soul detach from her body.

peter pan

What are your feelings?
happiness. sadness. jealousy?

Tinkerbell

Anger?

Hook.

Love? what about love?

Never heard of it.

*
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*

Let's take a peek at the future.
She's at the nursery, by the window.
The window is closed.

I'll open it!

She cant see you. Cant hear you.
She's forgotten all about you.
And in your place there's someone else....
... a husband.

No!!

*
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*

no matter what happens, this will be yours, always.

Raye, at the speed that we're going,
we're going to cause a major traffic holdup.
(and the first car, second car, third car honks)
Raye? dont talk to me. im trying to concentrate
ok fine. elsie? elsie! are you falling asleep?
wake up you've got to help me keep a lookout for cars
from the back. (It's always from the back)
(Those things that come when you least expect)
(and stab you)
(hard) Dont you have a rearview
mirror for that?
(-ly noticeable. the Pain.)
How can i look in front and behind at the same time?
(indeed, how can you.)
Just so you know, going slower doesn't help either.

coffee or tea?

Bri still had that air around her, Elsie noted. Elsie muttered something barely audible about neatening herself up and left the living room. She grabbed a change of clothes and went into the bathroom, glancing into the mirror to survey her own unpresentable image. The bathroom door was still open and the mirror reflected the living room, where Bri was still in view.

She had dyed her short, cropped hair to a slightly milder shade of red than it was before. It always used to be a shock to others, like she was balancing a ball of flame atop her head. To Elsie, the colour, although piercing, had a magnetic quality to it. Elsie loved to stare intently at Bri's hair whenever she moved around their kitchen, one of her very few unconquered territories. Bri would be moving around, forgetting where she had left the spatula, or nearly hitting her head against the cupboard door that she she had forgotten to close after taking out the plates, while always cursing vehemently. "I swear I was insane when we agreed I'd do breakfast on weekends!", Bri would say and Elsie would laugh, telling her it was too late for regrets. She often wondered if the flame would spread down all over her body, swallowing her up whole, knowing Bri would only burn to emerge more fiercely brilliant than before.

And here she was moving around again, bending down to shift stacks of rough papers and drawings aside and off the couch so she could sit down. As she sat, she took off her heels and rubbed her soles, placing her feet on the cold floor and ran her hand through her hair, a gesture so familiar it almost ached to watch.

Elsie turned and closed the door and ran the tap, splashing water over her face. Wake up Elsie, you're in the present, now, and nothing else matters.

"Cissy?"

Elsie did not answer. She reached for the toothpaste.

"Do you want coffee? I'm going to make some coffee."

Oh sure you're going to make some coffee. Elsie waited. One, two, thr-

"Cissy? Hey, where's the coffee powder?"

Elsie emerged from the bathroom. "There's no more coffee powder."

"You've finished it again? You really shouldn't drink so m-"

"Which is why I don't drink coffee anymore, Bri, and which in turn explains the lack of coffee powder." Elsie cut in and then glanced at the cupboard door half-opened. "In any case, it was never where you thought it was. It was in the other cupboard, the one on the upper right of the stove. And I drink tea now."

"Oh right." Bri paused for a moment. "But you love coffee, Cissy, I'd never believe you mananged to curb the addiction..."

"Well, in fact, I did. See, after you left, a lot of things changed, if you haven't noticed. I no longer mess up the living room with my drawings- well not that much," as Bri raised her eyebrows and Elsie hurried on: "I now do messy work at the balcony area only."

Bri fell silent, although she appeared on the verge of saying something.

"Also," Elsie added, "I prefer to be called Elsie."

dream a little dream of tea

It was such a horrid day but Elsie's spirits were rather high. She had a floaty feeling as she treaded around large puddles of water, making her way through the rain, keeping her head dry by raising her plastic art-folio above her head. The campus had not seemed that large from the outside and the familiarity she had of the school's facade failed to prepare her for the strange unknowns within its grounds. Which way was the sign pointing earlier on? She looked around and then paused. Right, her instincts told her. Right is always right. You'll just get left behind by taking the path on the left. Elsie laughed to herself. She was thinking silly again.

Five minutes into walking along that path, she began to doubt her decision. It could not have been so far away, she had passed so many buildings already. Strange. Looking back, the structures seemed to have shifted and morphed into larger and taller ones. There was also this odd resemblance of one to a miniature version of the empire state building, how could she not have noticed it the first time? A sense of displacement was starting to settle in.

A student was walking towards her with a puzzled expression. Sure, Elsie was a sight to behold. She was still in her school uniform. College students were all in their own clothes. Elsie straightened herself and approached the student.

"Sorry, excuse me, do you know where the auditorium is?" She blushed and tried again, "I mean, the college auditorium of course."

The student motioned for her to continue straight on. Ah, so I was correct after all. She turned to thank the student and was greeted with another surprise. She was pretty sure it was a female student she had asked! But now she's turned into a he! This is ridiculous, what was getting into her?

Suddenly, the ground shifted beneath her and she seemed to be sinking inwards. Her vision blurred and the surroundings became warped, not unlike the application of the filter she liked to use in photoshop. Then the scene changed. Either Elsie had suddenly shrunk by ten times or the scene had enlarged by ten times. She was in a different place, of a different time zone too maybe. Everything was so surreal.

A huge tea cup was in front of her, and the tea was flowing out, a clear brown solution was welling around her. She expected it to scald her but it was pleasantly warm. She almost felt like laughing again. So, was this how a herbal bathe would feel? The water or rather tea level was at her neck now, she bent her knees and allowed her whole body to be submerged, her eyes squeezed tight. Then she opened them in the water while pulling strands of hair away from her face. Hey, there was a knob at the base of the cup! Was that to stop the flow? She dived and turned it tight. Had the tea level stopped rising?

Indeed it seemed to be so, in fact, it seemed to be receding, flowing backwards into the cup. Elsie stood as she watched the area dry up around her. After awhile, however, she realised she was still wet and so was the spot beneath her, even though the other areas were now dry. It was then that she realised, brown solution was oozing out of her skin.

Elsie panicked. What was happening? She opened her mouth to scream for help but no sound came out. Where was she? What was going on? The sound was tea flowing was getting stronger even though nothing was flowing out of the cup. In addition, there was this rhythem. This irritating sound, somewhat like hammering, growing louder.

Elsie? Elsie? ELSIE? Who is that calling my name? It was echoing all around. This is bad, really bad. You've got to snap out of this Elsie!

With a start, she awoke and found herself to have sat up suddenly, in her bed. Sweat matted her hair together. She let out a sigh of relief. Just a dream, girl. Just a little dream of tea.

But wait, what's this? The hammering sounds were still on and her name was still being called. It was then that she realised she awoke due to the knocking on her door.

She climbed down her bed and made her way through the clutter to pull open the door. Was this still part of her dream? The person she had been looking for in her dream had come to look for her instead. Suddenly, Elsie was conscious of her unkempt hair, stained nightgown and cluttered room. Damn, she should have cleaned up before opening the...

"Aren't you going to ask me to come in?" Her guest's voice punctured her thoughts. And in the most presumptuous manner, her guest stepped in as Elsie moved away to let Bri in...

the first 4 days of wk 1 of megamuggingmonth (MMM)

i really dont like to do day to day accounting it seems so puerile, but i guess it allows one to take stock of life in e most clear cut and direct way.

mon:
i went to sch. did a puny bit of math. played chess. jeremy i swear i was winning... ate an overpriced and not nice lunch at prince. came back to sch. played another game of chess in art rm w zhiyong for like over an hr till i lost with a shuang pao jiang. conceded to temptation and watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in jerrold's cubicle w art peeps. e black curtains and speakers r great =) michael condry (sp?) is -to use baihui's phrase- awesomecakes =) cleaned up central plaza and then took photos. home. post dinner hw i think.

overall: slacker shit day. 1/10

tues:
to make up for mon, full mugging day. however. spent 4 hrs or so trying to get various tickets for arts fest w prob like credit card, printing, showtimes bla bla =( but thankfully in e end i managed to get e card frm my mum complete e letter of authorisation, nric and transaction receipt. i want my arts fest limited ed ezlink card dammit. i'll get my hands on it somehow. revelation that drama center is in national lib. tried to do the chem exercises. which also involved installing my adobe acrobat 9 for e first time. made a pretty necklace frm e metal reel thing of the sewing machine.

overall: redemption aim was met but nett zero progress. 5/10

wed:
sch. saved e art incorporated bk into thumbdrive (finally). did e transcription thing. 4 hrs for a 31 min speech. bloody hell. haha. lunch w sch's chicken rice. did jiawen's shoes. rush home for ultimate date with my baihui even though i was still late for 11 min =( haha. crabflowerclub was excellent. worth e 17 dollars plus that few hrs of ticket buying. except i still want my arts fest ez link card =( came back and did kinetics even though i was so exhausted for consult on thu

overall: transcription was grossly overly time-consuming but it was a fun experience and e date was e highlight. =) except academic achievements not much 7/10

thu:
sch. I LEFT MY HP ON THE BUS in e hurry to get down coz i was slping. =( i was nv so anxious in my life. thankfully singapore has kind-hearted ppl afterall. i have it back now... =s and thankfully jiajun came to sch early. did tut then went for consult. mrs tano kept trying to assure me that im not dead yet but im not sure. i'll get back to her when i pass bt2. lunch chicken rice again. played a game w jiajun. i like how he moves and then says, so what m i trying to do? then i can do my hypothetical situation thingy =) really long game. then transcribing. yay this it time it was done in 2 plus hrs. e trick is. dun do e listening compre way but e dictation way. anyway. and skim over bits u dunno first. dun keep pausing e track and dun get distracted by irritants trying to irritate me *glares at jerrold*. did emain's shoes. =) home.

actually went for consult. spent less time on mind-numbing things like transcribing. so overall 7/10 but im currently slacking now typing this out so -0.5.

spore arts fe(a)st

stressful life lately. im trying not to drop into escapism mode. club and public performance. comp nxt wk. aep coursewk. BLOCKS!! damn it. hahaz. you go, girl.

but still there's so much other stuff i want to do. like watching angels and demons. and going for e exhibit at The Substation. and all the arts fest performances. although like i can't believe it, all e tickets are selling so fast. Final Fantasy Music at e esplanade is freaking all sold out even though they extended e performance for another day =( shd i go for smth else? but im definitely going for e closing ceremony. somehow.

so. let's talk abt the arts fest opening ceremony, Helios II. Took shuttle bus frm Tanjong Pagar. I was surprised at how well-planned the whole event was. Escorts, chartered smrt buses and definitely good publicity: the crowd was rather huge for an arts event. Marina Barrage is now top of my list of favourite places in Singapore. The architecture is amazing. It's one of the only structures in Singapore I can go wow and think hmm there's hope here after all =p. Set against the backdrop of the distant city skyline, the open concept of e structure was enhanced. Furthermore, apart from the sky scrapers, esplanade, spore flyer that you see from far, there is unobstructed view of the sky. At that time for me, it was the evening sky, with shades of glowing orange and pink as the sun set. I love seeing wide stretches of sky. It reminds one of how big the world beyond is, and the relative insignificance of a single self. Another aspect of the architecture that reinforced wonder was the sloped roof that ascends in a spiral manner and is covered with grass. Once I got down the chartered bus, I had to do a double-take: So many kites could be seen being flown on the roof, just from the road below. This is a truly effective combination of functionality and aesthetics. Pearlyn, we should go there and play frisbee next time, no joke.

Enough about the architecture. The pre-performance events like the drumming performance was not bad. The sound system was great, coupled with the natural echoing effect bring about by the architecture. Actually, the feel of it reminded me of the last National Parade at the Kallang Stadium. Similarly, there is a central stage at a lower ground, with viewing from top terraces. Also, the usage of the sky as a stunning backdrop. In this case however, the stage was set up in the middle of a large central fountain, which literally set the stage for the fireworks, which will be excitedly discussed further on. After the rhythemic beating of the drums, that striked an inner cord as well, was finally the main preformance/ street parade.

It was all smoke and red flames. Then after 15 minutes or so of neck-craning with regret seeming in (damn we should have stayed at the first floor), we saw it - a huge green-eyed praying mantis. It was no ordinary float. The lights and smoke and music gave an eerie, insidious feel yet at the same time was very enticing. Performers walked, hopped, jumped and juggled bars on stilts at least 1.5 m tall. They made several mistakes during the performance though, but always there was improvisation on the spot. The crowd, however, was disappointing. My sister and I tried to clap to encourage them but two pairs hands were nothing more than the sound of a pin drop with the large distance between us and the stage. In the end, the performers had to repeatedly prompt the audience to clap and cheer. It was almost embarrassing that that was the image Singapore was presenting to the foreign performers. Other than that, the performance with the acrobatic acts was a visual feast.

The highlight for me, and for the nightsky, was the fireworks. I have no words to describe it except one: spectacular. Sometimes, I worry about global warming and air pollution, but guiltily, the beauty of the fireworks always erases that.

I would have stayed the whole night, lying on the grass at the roof top or walking to the edge to watch the reflections and rippling across the water of the barrage, but ah well, another school day awaits.